Across the horizon: the rising sun and endless possibilities
 
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Reports & Essays: Creative Writing - Personal Essays

"AND""OR"

The X
Chapter one -
The X
It's not like I am a dork or anything, I just happen to be well, not myself around guys. My friends swear that I'm attractive, but I just don't have any confidence in myself to believe them. There was that one time that Toby, my best friend, got me a little drunk and I went and kissed some guy I'd never met before, but it's not like we got that far or anything. I guess I'm just a bit of a prude. Don't think I'm naive or anything, I know all about "the birds and the bees". Besides Toby has as they say "been around the block" so I get some juicy tidbits from her every once in a while. I often wonder why, miss popular, Toby even bothers to hang out with a social nobody like me but I guess I allow her to be herself instead of the vivacious flirt she has to be with everybody else. Toby does get fed up with my social inability's sometimes and I think I take it a little too seriously. You see since we were small my dad (my mom died when I was two) has had me going to Toby's on Tuesday nights because he has to work late at the plant. At first Toby used to throw temper tantrums when the "dork" of the third grade would come over, but either her mother taught her what the Bible says about being compassionate to orphans or, she just got used to me. I like to think It was the latter. Even though we are already seventeen Toby and I still like to keep this little tradition alive. Every Tuesday night we go shopping, on her credit card, or she takes me for a spin to the yogurt store for some fat free strawberry banana. Toby always gets the real stuff -pure non filtered one hundred percent fat ice cream, but of course not one ounce of it every shows on her hips. I once had a theory that she was bulimic but I kind of let that one slide. On this particular Tuesday night, however, we had the annual Senior Thanksgiving dance (don't ask me why it was on a Tuesday) and of course Toby wanted to go. I'm not usually one to go to these dances but since it was Tuesday night Toby felt bad about going without me. She's presently dating the quarterback of the month and she was terribly excited about the hotel room Mike and his friend had rented for after the dance, unfortunately she didn't tell which of Mike's friends was also sharing the room. Bill White is the boy that Toby found for me. He moved to my county for high school, so I just became aware of his existence three years ago. He is pretty well built, but a bit on the ugly side, however he seemed nice enough. Not that I would ever consider getting serious with him, I just was in Toby's words going to "loosen up a bit and have a good time". I kept on thinking about exactly how much she wanted me to "loosen up" but I didn't bother her with such petty details, the big day was almost here and we had lots of planning to do. Chapter Two - The Y At football practice Mike told me that Toby (his girlfriend) wanted to set me up with her friend Margaret Richardson for the big dance. I really never got to know Margaret at all in school I guess we were just in different crowds. Come to think of it I'm not sure what crowd she was in. She has always had the reputation as being a shy timid girl, but last summer at some bar she was all over a friend of mine. They say the only thing that stopped them from actually having sex was that Toby took her home. Supposedly the thing was totally Margaret's idea, my friend didn't even know her name. Anyway, I guess that I've always had success with girls from an early age. One of my fondest memories is in Kindergarten when Beth Titen, the best looking girl in the class, put a sticker on my mouth and then planted a big wet kiss right over the sticker. I guess most girls find me attractive, not a super model or anything, but certainly not ugly. I was somewhat excited for the dance because I had just broken up with my girlfriend and now I had a date, but also because Mike had arranged for us to share a hotel room with the girls, yet I didn't know which Margaret Richardson to expect. Chapter Three - The X...again That Monday night we shopped till we dropped. My dad even gave me an advance on my allowance so I could by those knew heels I'd been eyeing in Florsheims. The big night came and we went to Toby's to get dressed. We never go to my house. Not that I don't want to its just that I feel a little embarrassed that we live in one bedroom and Daddy sleeps on the couch, and that we can't afford to keep our house immaculately clean. Anyway Toby doesn't seem to mind. We laughed and joked as we put on our makeup. Toby even slipped a condom into both of our purses as a practical joke, imagine if Bill ever saw it , I thought , I don't know what I'd do. They picked us up in a smashing stretch limo, which made me think that maybe I should do this more often. Bill was the perfect gentleman. He helped me into the car, and to Mike's chagrin, allowed me to sit next to Toby. We got to the hotel and I somewhat hesitantly moved my way on to the dance floor (with a little nudging from Toby, I might add). Boy could Bill dance! In between dances we went to get some drinks and he was talking to me -like a normal human being it felt great, I even got into the dancing and I wasn't bad. All of a sudden he was more attractive, I even thought that I would love to go out with him again. Midway through the evening however, Toby and Mike motioned for us to follow them. I figured they had something important to tell us so I went over. When I asked Toby what was up she just smirked and motioned for me to follow her. We slowly weaved our way out of the ballroom and to my horror stepped into an elevator. Chapter Four - The Y's first immpresion From the moment I Picked her up I sensed that it would be a long evening. She basically forced herself into the seat next to Toby much to the chagrin of my friend Mike, I may add. When we got to the party I had to do all the dancing. Even in between dances I had to do most of the talking although she did seem to be enjoying herself, and boy, did she look good-even a bit like Toby. Eventually, however, she got very into it and was all over me on the dance floor. She seemed almost to jump for joy when Bill suggested that we go upstairs. As we walked through the door to room 1610 Toby and Mike started going at it, on the floor no less. Marge politely excused herself to go to the bathroom, to powder her nose I guess. I was starting to like her a little more and I was looking forward to finally getting to kiss her, but nothing like what Toby and Mike were doing ever entered my mind-not with this girl at least. When she came out of the bathroom it was as if a fire had been lit inside of her. We started to kiss and grope very roughly. Suddenly as we moved to the bed she moved her hand over the buckle of her skirt and it slipped right off. All of a sudden she sticks out her hand and hands me a condom. I couldn't believe it. You would never expect this from any girl, let alone Margaret. It was an open invitation for sex, and I accepted, why shouldn't I? I applied the condom and we had sex, but to be honest she was nothing special. Chapter Five - The trilogies of the X As we were riding up the elevator I tried to talk with Toby but she was "otherwise occupied." When we got into the room it was as if Toby and Mike were animals, the way they were going at each other. I figured Toby would be using her condom, especially after all those lectures on safe sex she's given me over the years. Her lectures, however, never really interested me-my being a virgin and all. I went to the bathroom and locked the door. I was very nervous and I had to pee. I felt that I really did like Bill, and that he liked me. It was a difficult decision but I decided that I would make this my first real kiss, besides I couldn't let Toby down and embarrass her in front of Mike. When I went outside he didn't even give me time to tell him how I felt he just started grabbing me all over. When I tried to push him away he just got rougher. All of a sudden he pushed me onto the bed and hit the buckle of my skirt to reveal my virgin nakedness. I quickly reached into my purse and handed him the condom! What choice did I have? He was clearly going to have sex with me, and I couldn't afford to get pregnant. After he was finished he just got up to get dressed-that was all. I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life. Chapter Six - The reaction of the Y When we were finished she seemed wiped out so I figured I would leave her alone. Besides I was still pretty shocked at what she had done. In all my years of being with women I'd never seen anything like it. The whole episode reminded me of the porno flicks I used to steal from my older brother. All of a sudden she leaps out of the bed and runs down the hall trying frantically to get dressed. By the look on her face one might have thought she'd been raped. She was the one who took of her skirt, and she handed me the condom! Where does it say that I have to hold her after sex? Toby's got to knock some sense into her, she wanted it. Conclusion As I ran out of room 1610 I was making a beeline for the principal Bill had raped me and he would pay. The boys had planned to get us up there, and thoughts of justice raced through my mind. I never made it to the principal or the police. Questions started flooding my mind. Wouldn't I be made into the victim? All I wanted to do was kiss him...maybe. Perhaps I did lead him on? Maybe I hadn't buckled my skirt correctly coming out of the bathroom. It was a knew dress? I did hand him the condom! Why didn't Toby stop him? But if I wasn't raped then why do I feel so awful?

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